Why the Marriage in the Garden Was So Wonderful
Dr. Dennis Corle
Dr. Corle is the Editor and Publisher of Revival Fires
“And the Lord God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:15-25)
As we read the Creation story, we see that God created man with purpose. The primary purpose of man was not just to work. We learn in Genesis three, the first eight verses, that man was designed to walk with God, to know Him personally and intimately. Adam and Eve, while they were in a state of innocence, had that personal relationship with the Lord, that shared walk with God.
God was the center of that relationship until sin entered, until the serpent slithered into the Garden and tempted Eve and deceived her. Understand that the word ‘deceived’ implies that I sincerely believe things are one way, when in reality they are quite another. Sincerity does not always prevent deception. You could be very sincere and be very deceived at the same time. My maternal grandmother was a Jehovah’s Witness for 40 years. She was one of the kindest, most sincere people you have ever met. The good news is that before she died I had the wonderful privilege of leading her to Christ. But I witnessed to her for 16 1/2 years, talking to her about her need of a Saviour. She was just blinded and deceived. The devil is a master deceiver.
It’s pretty apparent in our text that this marriage was a wonderful relationship. Marriage, in its origin, had its roots in the person of God. It was His program and His will. When sin entered the picture they lost their walk with God, and then we begin to see bickering and blameshifting. Adam blamed Eve. Eve said, “The devil made me do it.”
As sin and its consequences progressed, one of their sons killed the other. I assure you, if Eve had any clue her disobedience to God’s command in eating that fruit would ultimately result in one of her sons murdering the other, she wouldn’t have had to be spiritual to say, “NO!” Her very maternal instincts would have said, “Never!” The devil never advertises the results and high cost of sin, just the temporary pleasures. He put something appealing before her eyes, manipulated her thinking, and deceived her. People make costly mistakes. Sometimes it costs their children. Sometimes it wrecks their marriage, their home.
But I want to remind you that God’s design for marriage, here in its beginning, was wonderful and perfect. I want to point out some of the principles that made this relationship so wonderful.
Though the Garden of Eden was a wonderful atmosphere, I think we sometimes over-emphasize the importance of atmosphere. You are not as much a product of your atmosphere as the atmosphere is a product of your making, especially when it comes to the home. If you apply Biblical principle, it will result in a right atmosphere and a right relationship that honors God and is a blessing to everybody involved. If you deviate from God’s plan, it will disrupt the design of God and bring misery and grief to your home. Since God is the Author of this thing called marriage, people who don’t know Him and follow His Word don’t do very well at it. People that do not know Jesus as their Saviour cannot fulfill the purpose for which they were originally created, and especially in the present culture, they have a real battle in trying to establish this union and make it last.
God is supposed to be the Centerpiece of the marriage relationship. The word Eden means ‘dedicated.’ That doesn’t just mean tranquil and pleasant; it means dedicated and devoted to God. One of the reasons this marriage was what God intended is because it was a dedicated place, set apart unto God.
Now someone might claim that the secret to the marriage in the Garden was due to the things that they didn’t have. For instance, they didn’t have any in-laws, but that wasn’t it, folks! Here’s a good one, they didn’t have any old flames or past memories with other people. Maybe teenagers want to consider that fact before they ‘get serious’ in many different relationships before they meet the one God has for them. But this marriage was designed by God and He brought them together. I believe the secrets of success in marriage are a lot more tied in with what they did have, the principles that we can learn and benefit from in our own marriages.
So what was it that made that first marriage in the Garden of Eden so wonderful?
IT WAS INSTIGATED BY GOD
In verses 21-25 we learned that this was a marriage that was instigated by God. God created man first. Man was to walk with God in the cool of the day, to know Him personally and intimately, and God gave man work to do because work is gratifying to man. Work was a good and necessary part of man’s life, even before the fall.
Ladies, let me say this, and I may touch on it again later. Don’t feel like you are competing with your husband’s job. God made a man to be in an achiever, a worker. If he is worth blowing up, if he’s any kind of man at all, then he gets tremendous gratification from hard work and achievement. Setting and reaching goals, moving forward, making progress, finishing a job, excelling at his life’s calling. Don’t be threatened or feel that it is in conflict with his relationship to you, because that’s one of the ways that he expresses his love to you, in provision. That’s not the only expression, but it is certainly one and it’s rooted in his beginnings. God made the first man, put him in the Garden, told him to work the garden and care for it. It’s ingrained in a man’s very nature, what God made him to be, to be challenged by his work.
Then God watched the man and said, “It’s not good for man to be alone. I’ll make him a helpmeet. He’s incomplete, I’ll make him a completer. I’ll make somebody to be everything he’s not, to fill a void in his life, somebody to give him joy. I’ll make somebody to complete him and to help him get done what I designed him to do.” Ladies, your husband’s drive to work can be an opportunity to draw you together and not drive you apart, but that depends upon both of you.
That being said, remember that this marriage was instigated in Heaven. There was no doubt that Eve was God’s choice for Adam. It’s dangerous to enter marriage having only considered what we want, and not consulted the Lord about His plan. Lots of folks could tell you sad stories of the way things turned out when they didn’t follow God’s will.
What about people that take it upon themselves to choose who they want and what attracts them, like Samson did? Samson said to his father about this Philistine girl, “...Get her for me; for she pleaseth me well.” (Judges 14:3) He wasn’t worried about what pleased God, and it turned out to be a disaster. That girl’s family was killed, she was given to his friend. It was a wreck. Those heathen Philistines didn’t know God or the Word of God, and didn’t have the same Biblical standard on marriage that the Hebrews had. When you cross-marry, you get yourself into situations where people don’t even view marriage and the home like you do. It’s not sacred to them. You’d better be sure that you are following the leadership of God.
God made Eve and brought her to Adam. God made her from one of his ribs so she would be near to his heart. Not from the bone of his foot where he’d trample her. The Bible tells a man in Ephesians 5:20 that he is to ‘cherish’ his wife, which means to soften with warmth, to show some attention, to listen. You’ve heard that statistics say a woman speaks twice as many words in a day as a man. One preacher got up and said that, so his wife had a reply. “I know that’s true, because every time I say something you say, ‘Huh?’, and I have to say the same thing again!”
In Proverbs 19:14 the Bible says, “...a prudent wife is from the Lord.” A fellow needs to be praying for the leadership of God to allow him to meet the one God made for him, just like God made Eve for Adam. He did not want us to go across the boundary of saved and unsaved. It’s not wise for us to marry cross-culture or across religious boundaries. God wants us to be wise enough to seek His will and He will supply us with the one we need.
Matthew 6:33 promises, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” You say, “Well, that’s talking about things.” It also says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing,...” It’s Bible. That would imply when a guy finds a wife, he is the aggressive pursuer in looking for a wife. Aggressive women make me nervous. It’s crazy what is going on today. A man who is saved and trying to be what God wants him to be is to be seeking God’s choice and looking. Don’t worry, girls. You don’t have to get bold and aggressive. He’ll find you. He’s looking. Let God bring you together with the one of His choosing. You don’t have to chase him down, contrary to the Scriptures. The man should be searching and looking and praying. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be praying for the right husband. I’m just telling you, you are supposed to wait and not be on a man-hunt. God will make it happen in His time. Wait on the man and the marriage that is instigated by God.
Remember when Abraham sent his servant to get a bride for Isaac? Do you know where he sent him? He sent him back to his own people, to his own kind and culture. He didn’t want Isaac to form an attachment with someone of the wicked Canaanite upbringing. People start everything out wrong and think it’s going to turn out right. They think, “It doesn’t matter what the Bible says. We can make this work.” Once you tie the knot you need to make it work, but you can create yourself a very stressful situation and make life hard by violating Bible principles. I say this all the time because it is true: Things don’t turn out like you plan them. They turn out like God said. “I know the Bible says but...” We claim to be sheep, but all this butting things around is more like goats! Do it the Bible way.
Here’s another marriage instigated in Heaven. When God wanted Isaac to get a bride, they sent the servant to search in the homeland among his own people. When he got there he prayed and said, “Oh God, prosper my journey. Help me to find a bride for Isaac.” He kind of put out a fleece. God honored that thing and took care of it exactly in accordance with his prayer, where He removed all doubt that she was the one. This was a certainty.
This marriage in Eden was wonderful because it was instigated by God. God put these two people together. God made them for each other. They both knew Him personally and intimately, spending time with God. The Creator was the centerpiece of this relationship. By the way, you’ll note that God brought Eve to Adam and God brought Rebekah to Isaac. God led Jacob to Rachel, but these relationships were put together by God, which is the ideal plan. God saw to it that they crossed one another’s path and the fireworks went off!
IT WAS BUILT ON A SHARED WALK WITH GOD
Abram and Sarai were married in Ur of the Chaldees, and they didn’t know God then. I want to say this because even if somebody already has a union when they come to Christ, if they’ll get to know God, they can make what wasn’t working too well, work. God changed his name from Abram to Abraham. He changed Sarai’s name to Sarah, when they came in communion with God.
Some folks got married when they didn’t know the Lord. That does not mean it cannot work because you can come to God as a couple. You can receive Christ as your Saviour. He can still become the centerpiece of your relationship as originally intended. You can begin to operate by that Biblical standard that will always work. I don’t want to leave you under the impression that if you have the right kind of marriage you will never fuss or have a disagreement. “We’re not compatible.” Come off of that stuff. It’s not compatibility that is the key, it is commitment.
I emphasize again that God was the centerpiece of this marriage. In Genesis chapter three, the early verses, the Bible says that Adam and Eve together had a shared walk with God. They walked with God in the cool of the day. They not only had fellowship with each other, but they had fellowship with God, together as a couple. They had communion with God. Hear me, my friend. You can’t come into the presence of God as lost souls. When one is lost and one is saved, this part of what God intended marriage to be is still unreachable. When both are lost, you cannot have this.
Husband and wife both have to be saved and determined to get to know God for you to enjoy this kind of relationship. The good news is that it is available to every marriage! He loves you and He wants to save you and your spouse, if you are already married. He wants your marriage to be what was intended by Him in its origin, the whole concept of marriage. In this relationship God was the hub, not one of the spokes. Everything revolved around Him. He was not getting squeezed in, but the Lord had the preeminent spot. He was the center, not on the fringe, the common denominator, not the intruder. Some people act like God is intruding into their marriage. You are badly mistaken. You can’t even enjoy what marriage is suppose to be without God in the formula!
Also, God ordained the home first and He also ordained the church. There is no conflict between the home and the church. They work together to make the marriage, home and family what it was supposed to be. God does not pit good things against one another in the will of God. They don’t conflict. They support one another to produce what God intended. God was the yoke or coupling that bonded these two people together. This wasn’t built on compatibility. It was built on a shared walk with God.
IT INCLUDED A SHARED WORK FOR GOD
When you put two animals (or people) in the same yoke, they are going the same direction. They are pulling the same burden, bearing the same load. They have a shared goal and destination, and are walking side by side as they are headed there. Mark my words. You don’t get closer to one another by playing together. That’s when you fuss and argue about everybody else cheating and get mad because you lost and they won. I know we can spend time and have fun with family activities, but I don’t think that is the most important time you spend together.
Understand that burden bearing together, being in the yoke, pulling the same load together is what draws people together. I often tell ladies, if you have a husband that is a diligent man, a hard worker, don’t get in the way of that. Help him get it done. It will draw you closer together, working together, supporting his goals and efforts. That’s what God put in his heart. That’s how he makes a living. Everybody is not a preacher, but every man has something they do to make a living and provide for their family. Don’t view that as a problem. You don’t want some couch potato watching TV all day while you make a living and he draws a welfare check, if he’s healthier than I am. America is in trouble because people don’t want to assume personal responsibility. In a free market system you don’t get bailed out, you go under. Somebody else rises to the top position that was a good steward and hard worker.
Adam and Eve had a union that revolved around the person of God. Twenty-nine percent of born again couples are divorcing today, 29% of people who claim to be saved. Do you know why? God is somewhere out there on the fringe, not right in the center. He is not the coupling, the yoke. He is not the common denominator that brings them closer. If you just squeeze Him in, He’ll get squeezed out more frequently than He gets squeezed in. He should have the preeminent spot, not only for the sake of you being what you are supposed to be. I’m telling you that whether your marriage is going to be what it is supposed to be or not will be determined by how you relate to God as a couple.
One hundred twenty times the Bible says God is love. So if God is the centerpiece and this marriage revolves around Him, then it’s going to be a marriage built on Biblical love because He is love. If it revolves around Him, it will be a marriage filled with love. It doesn’t say God has love. He is love. He is the essence of love. You can tap into a love that is far beyond what you, as a human, are capable of giving, and it can make your marriage wonderful.
Understand the Bible says 720 times that God is holy. If this marriage revolves around Him, it will be a holy union. There will be something sacred and precious about it. America has lost the concept of marriage being a holy, sacred union.
The Bible tells us God is just. Justice is an equal balance. So if this marriage revolves around God, there will be justice and equity, fair treatment in this relationship. You read in Ephesians 5:21-22, “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Before He tells a woman that she should submit, He preempts it by saying, “Submitting yourselves one to another...”
Now, there is no question where the authority lies in the home. It is first with that man. In Romans 5:12, when God talks about sin and responsibility, it didn’t say wherefore as by one woman sin entered into the world. Who ate the fruit first, the man or the woman? But God held the man accountable. I’ve often said, “If God is going to blame me for the decision, I’m going to go ahead and make the decision.” But that doesn’t mean I’m inconsiderate of my wife. She is a smart woman and has some good insight. She sees things I don’t see sometimes. I’m not telling you I’m disinterested in what she thinks, but I’m telling you somebody has to be in charge, where ‘the buck stops here.’ We often discuss decisions, but I make the final one based on what I think is best and right for all of us. If everybody is in charge, then ain’t nobody in charge, and it’s a disaster.
This relationship needs to be just, which includes fair treatment and courtesy and kindness. I quoted the verse in Ephesians 5 because as a leader, as a man, I have the authority but I’m not supposed to be brutish and uncaring with that authority. I am also responsible to obey the command, “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” (Ephesians 5:25) Remember that submit means to place under. You can submit your wishes and put your wife’s wishes first in many situations to honor and show love to her.
Since He first said, “Submitting yourselves one to another...” you’d be smart if you submitted to your wife every time you can. If it’s not a decision that involves right and wrong or following the will of God, then feel free to honor your wife and submit to her plan or desire as often as you can, and still be obedient to God as the head of the home who is responsible to God for its leadership. If that threatens your manhood, then you’ve got problems. If you have to swing across the table on a chandelier and beat your chest telling everybody you are in charge, then you’re not. It ought to be where your family members want to follow you. They’ll say, “I’m glad that’s my husband.” “I’m glad that’s my dad.” “I’m glad that’s my leader.” That’s the way it is supposed to be. I believe that’s the kind of relationship God had in mind when He said of Abraham, “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.” (Genesis 18:19)
If it’s a relationship that revolves around God, the wife will be what she ought to be, as well. The husband will be what he ought to be. Fellows, you don’t have to have your way about everything. I yield to my wife and children as often as I can because there is going to come a time when I can’t. They may not see it or understand why, but the time will come when I have to say ‘no’ in order to obey God’s leadership. I don’t want the devil exploiting that when it’s crucial and them rebelling, where they just say, “Enough is enough. This guy has got to have his way about everything all the time.” That’s about when the devil will get his nose in it, and it can destroy somebody or your entire family. I don’t have to have my way about everything, and as often as I can and it’s right, I want to yield to my wife and children.
For instance, I hate to shop, but I’m not going to use the fact that I’m the head of the house to veto shopping. You know that’s a man’s greatest fear, that he’ll be trapped for a thousand years in a shopping mall with his wife. It is called a mall-enium! But sometimes I do things I don’t really want to do because she wants to or the kids want to do it. There isn’t anything wrong with it. It’s not sinful or wrong. I just don’t want to do it, at least based on what I like. But because I love my wife, once in a while I say, “Why don’t we go buy you a new outfit?” Every now and then it would probably do you good to do something you don’t want to do, big boy. (I’ll tell you where you can get some of these insoles to keep those concrete floors from killing your knees and back while you take her shopping!)
God is just, and God is good. The word ‘good’ in the Bible is usually not making application to being good, but rather to doing good. Goodness as a fruit of the Spirit is not just talking about a person that is good, but the Bible declares of the Lord Jesus, that “He went about doing good.” It’s talking about being benevolent and being sensitive to other peoples’ needs and giving or accomplishing good in their lives. Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if you had a marriage where you are actually looking out for each others’ needs, where you are sensitive? I’m not talking about being all fuzzy and warm. I’ve never been in touch with my feminine side, and if you see it tell me where it is! But as a godly husband and father, I’m supposed to be sensitive to need and looking out for those that have need.
God did not give me a position of leadership so I’d have somebody to boss around. God didn’t give me a wife so I’d have somebody to lord over. God gave my wife a husband so she’d have somebody to protect her, provide for her and lead her. God didn’t give me children so I could boss them around. God gave my children a dad for their benefit.
Leadership is never for the sake of the leader. It’s for the sake of the followers. They are to be the beneficiaries of my leadership. That’s true in every realm. We used to call politicians public servants. That was back whenever the government was of the people, by the people, and for the people instead of - of the government, by the government, and for the government. God is good. When He is the center of things, there will be a goodness or benevolence, doing good, present in that home. There will be a sensitivity to one another’s needs and a desire to meet those needs.
Years ago I was preaching in Louisiana. There was a lady that came to the services most nights. When she didn’t come she said that her husband wouldn’t let her come. He probably wouldn’t. She said to me on Thursday, “I can’t come tomorrow night. My husband won’t let me.”
I said to her, “Where do you all live?”
She told me. I said, “Is he going to be home Saturday?” She said he would
I said, “Okay, I’m coming to see him.” On Saturday I went to the house, knocked on the door, got acquainted and led that guy to Christ. God broke his heart. He got saved, I mean, from the top of his head to the tip of his toes, God did a mighty work in his life. He came that night and got baptized, was back on Sunday morning and evening. He was just thrilled, couldn’t get enough.
After the meeting I talked with the preacher frequently. “Oh man, he’s doing great. He’s growing.” I went back the next year and this guy was there for every service, while his wife missed about half of them. The next year I came back, and she had left him. Do you know what her complaint was? “You spend all your time at church.” She wanted him to get saved enough to be good to her, but not saved enough to serve God. She was a saved woman, but her thoughts were very selfish. She wanted her husband saved to treat her better, but she didn’t really want him to sell out and serve God.
Friend, there is not a happier existence than two people serving God together, like this Garden of Eden marriage. That’s what we were designed for, but I have to know Him first. We have to be saved and then build that relationship around Him. No wonder the divorce rate is what it is. Now we’ve got folks that don’t even have enough morals to get married. They just shack up and excuse it. If America keeps messing around trying to redefine marriage 47 times, nobody will bother because they are going to destroy the sanctity of the whole concept as God intended. Two men together, calling that a marriage? God, help us!
God was the center of this relationship, and made it a relationship filled with love, that was holy, just, and good. It was built on a shared work for God.
IT WAS FREE FROM THE INFLUENCE AND EFFECTS OF SIN
In its origin, marriage was a relationship that was void of the influence of sin. God created them in innocence. We worship education in America. There is a high premium put on knowledge. Conscience, con-science means ‘with knowledge.’ That’s what it means con-with, science-knowledge. “You need to know this.”
What was it that got Adam and Eve in trouble, innocence or knowledge? Was it the tree of innocence? God says I’m supposed to be simple concerning evil. What does that mean? That means when God says no, I don’t need to know why He said no, and I don’t need to be looking at it. If it’s forbidden, what am I doing looking at it? I can’t have it, so don’t be gazing at it. I’m not missing out on anything that would be good for me. This relationship was in innocence. We are worried about kids getting all this knowledge, wanting to know everything, but innocence is better than knowledge. To experience wrong and know the effects of it is not as good as to never experience it and just know God said it’s wrong.
I was in a meeting last week with some folks like me. I got saved out of a rough background. I’m not proud of that, but that’s who I am, where I came from. A young guy got up and gave his testimony and he almost apologized because he never got off into sin. I got up and said, “Son, don’t apologize for getting saved young and living clean. Don’t ever apologize. You have ten times the potential I have.” You are better off to be innocent than with knowledge, because knowledge of wrong will scar you. Knowledge will leave behind some things that are hard to cope with and create guilt.
God said in Romans 16:19 that we are to be simple concerning evil. “...but yet I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil.” David, after he sinned with Bathsheba, said in Psalm 101:3, “I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.” David knew the danger of looking on what was forbidden. It got a hold of him and clave to him. When the Bible says he clave to the sword, that means he had a grip on it. David said, “I’m not going to look at what’s forbidden, because I don’t want it cleaving to me. I didn’t get ahold of sin. I got to looking at what was forbidden and lust got a grip on me. The outcome is devastating and destructive, not only for me personally, but for my family and my nation.”
This Eden relationship was void of the influence of sin. They didn’t have any sin in their home or in their lives individually. When they ate of the tree that was forbidden, I’m sure they thought, “It’s just a little sin. I mean, how bad is it to eat a piece of fruit? I know God said no, but come on.”
You hear it all the time. “Why are you making such a big deal of that, preacher?” Every bit of misery, death, hatred, war, murder, crime, and cruelty that is in the world today is the result of their disobedience to God, eating a piece of fruit that was forbidden. That’s where it got entrance. It has escalated from there.
When you permit sin into your relationship and into your home, you probably think it’s a little one, but all of a sudden what was so wonderful, now there is going to be bickering and division and finger pointing. The sweetness is gone. All of a sudden it’s no longer holy and just and godly, because sin has entered and sin is a killer. “The wages of sin is death...” If you are a born again child of God, sin can’t send you to Hell, but it can wreck your marriage. It can destroy your children. It can make your home a place of misery instead of a sanctified and happy place.
A home should be a sanctuary. We’ve got to protect our relationship from the influence of sin. Even better, protect it from the influence of temptation. In Matthew 26:41, Jesus told His disciples how to avoid temptation. “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation:...” Is not temptation at least one step from sin? I wonder why the Lord told them how to avoid temptation? Because He knew that you and I could not live in constant temptation and avoid sin. So He taught us how to avoid temptation.
The Bible speaks of wine in Proverbs 23:31 and in this case it is alcoholic beverage. That is not always so in Scripture. Jesus didn’t make any alcoholic beverage. In Proverbs 23:31 He said, “Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth his colour in the cup, when it moveth itself aright.” When it moveth itself aright, it’s working, fermenting. He didn’t just say, “Don’t drink it.” He said, “Don’t look on it.” Do not cast your eyes on what is forbidden. Keep temptation away from before your eyes.
Jeremiah 10:2 says, “...Learn not the way of the heathen,...” I’m to be simple concerning evil. Lamentations 3:51 says, “Mine eye affecteth mine heart...” He was talking about the grief that he experienced in his heart over the calamity in Israel, but it is true in every case. “Mine eye affecteth mine heart...” If I get my eyes on the wrong thing it’s going to produce a wrong desire and action in my life, wrong thoughts, wrong attitudes.
I need walls to protect the family. Somebody has to be the gate keeper constantly. A preacher has got to be a gate keeper of the local church, got to build high, thick walls to protect and then you’ve got to watch the gate because there is always something evil trying to slip in. People sometimes get perturbed with the preacher. “You’re always dealing with this.” He is trying to protect you. A husband had better be a protector and watchman and better be serious about it.
These two labored together. God gave Adam a job. God gave Adam a helpmeet to help him get the job done, to complete him, to be what he wasn’t. God didn’t give her a career. Her career was him. The Bible says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing,...” (Proverbs 18:22) Don’t miss what I am about to say. Every woman is not a wife. It didn’t say, “He that findeth a woman,” but “He that findeth a wife.” Let me explain something to you. A wife lives for one man. Her whole life is wrapped up in him. We don’t have woman the completer but woman the competer in America today. They want to compete with all men instead of complete one. “I’m as smart as they are.” It has nothing to do with intelligence. It has to do with God’s design, God’s role.
Suppose I have a 1954 pick-up truck that is in bad shape, and I have a brand new trailer. Since the trailer is brand new and in better shape, we ought to put it in the lead, right? No, it doesn’t matter how good the trailer is, it was designed to follow and the truck was designed to pull and lead. If the trailer gets in front of truck, it’s bad news for everybody.
You may be twice as smart as your husband, but God designed the husband to lead. Adam and Eve labored together. God gave Adam a job and He gave Adam a helpmeet, a completer. Men by nature are achievers. Let me just give you a warning. Men are naturally attracted to the people that help them achieve. God made them to get a work done. They get tremendous gratification from it. I’m not talking about romantic attraction, although it could become that. Men are attracted to people that help them to achieve.
The closest fellowship is in the yoke. Two people laboring together are going to get close bearing the same burden. What happens is a man goes and works and comes home and his wife is threatened by his job, working too much, working too hard. I’m not saying guys don’t. Sometimes they do, but you nagging them is not going to help. They’ll stay at work for more hours, so they won’t have to deal with that. Then he goes to work and he has a secretary that helps him get work done. Then he comes home and his wife gripes about him being at work. Then he goes to work and has somebody that helps him get the job done. Do you know what is going to happen? Without any intention or any romantic inclination, he is going to get closer to the secretary than he is to his wife.
Sometimes men who are achievers, but their wives are not supportive and involved, might end up feeling drawn to a co-worker or secretary who shares in their goals. A man cannot separate himself from that God-given drive to work. It could result in an unnecessary temptation. A husband needs to guard against that, but a wife needs to acknowledge that need. It’s important for husband and wife to work together, to share in goals and effort. If your daily job doesn’t allow working together, a wife can show interest and support, and look for the opportunities available in the church and ministry to work together and serve the Lord together. Working together is an important ingredient in this Garden of Eden recipe for a wonderful marriage. Nobody ought to labor more to help a man get done what he is supposed to do than his wife.
My ministry is not twice what it would be without my wife; it is ten times what it would be without her. You say, “Why is that?” Because one shall chase a thousand and two shall chase ten thousand. That’s a Biblical principle. I have a wife. She lives for me. If she wants something and I can get it, she’ll have it. She is not somebody that wants everything she sees. That woman lives for me. If there is anything she wants or needs and I can give it to her, she is going to have it. You say, “Why?” Because she is my wife and she lives to help me follow God’s call. She lives to help me be what God called me to be. Why wouldn’t I? Unless I’m a total ingrate. She is not competing with my work; she is helping me be complete and get it done in a way I’d never be able to without her.
This couple labored together and had an air tight relationship. Nobody got between them, except the devil in the garden for a moment. That one moment was pretty costly. But in the perfect blueprint for marriage, nobody got between them because they were a team. They worked together. I’m not talking about a guy that is a preacher and his wife being an assistant pastor. I’m just talking about her being the biggest cheerleader and helper, and the best support he has as a helpmeet.
This family according to verses 16 and 17, had liberty within bounds. Let me explain to you that liberty is always within bounds. The Psalmist said, “And I will walk at liberty: for I seek thy precepts.” (Psalm 119:45) Liberty is within the precepts, not outside the precepts. They had liberty within bounds.
Genesis 2:16-17 says, “...Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat:” There is the liberty. “But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die.” There is something forbidden. You say, “If God didn’t want them to sin, why did He put something in the garden that was forbidden?” Because doing the will of God is by choice. If you don’t have the opportunity to do wrong, then you didn’t choose to do right. If God put you in an atmosphere where it was impossible for you to make a wrong choice, you’d never have the opportunity to express your love to God. You wouldn’t have the opportunity to say no to sin because God forbad it. You just didn’t practice sin because none was available. God doesn’t want me to do right because it’s the only thing there is. He wants me to choose to do right when wrong is available because I love Him. He wants me to express my love through obedience and do the right thing.
You should be uninhibited and relaxed at home, free to be yourself. You’ve heard the expression, “There is no place like home,” and “A man’s home is his castle.” But there needs to be boundaries that protect you and standards that you keep as a family. There are things you need to protect from and keep out of your home.
In the past I’ve had people attack me. I know that shocks you; I just can’t imagine anybody not liking me! Through the years, I’ve had a number of attacks launched on me and some of them in print. I’ve never told my wife or my children I was under attack. Somebody else always did that. My kids get an email from one of their friends, “I just want you to know we’re for your dad.” I don’t go cry on my wife’s shoulder and make her deal with that stuff.
I’ve had people mail things into my home where my kids found out somebody had attacked me. The first thing that happened is my kids would say, “Well, so and so...” I’d say, “Girls, look at me. He shouldn’t have done what he did, but when I compare him to the rest of the world, he looks pretty good to me. He preaches the Gospel and wins souls. We are not going to talk that way at our table about preachers. They are human. He shouldn’t have done what he did, but I’m telling you that criticizing preachers at our table is off limits. I’m not the issue. God is.” There are some things that need to be off limits. Protect your marriage and household from the influence of sin.
GOD-GIVEN UNITY
This marriage had a God-given unity. The Bible says that God made them one. This unity is not built on compatability. It is built on commitment. Do you remember the name of this place? Eden, which means dedicated. They are committed, dedicated to God and each other. You say, “Well, we are not compatible.” There ain’t no man and woman compatible. Not one man in this room understands a woman. There is not a woman that understands a man. Relationships are not built on compatibility. They are built on commitment and forgiveness. Any lasting relationship is going to have to get a strong dose of forgiveness, or it will not last. It’s got to come from both directions. You’d better be pretty generous with forgiveness, because it won’t be long until you need some.
Fifty/fifty marriages don’t work, because it implies that both are trying to get their portion out. You say, “What kind work?” Hundred/hundred marriages, where both of them put everything in. I’ve known people that had everything in common as far as their interests and background and what they enjoyed, and they still couldn’t make a relationship work. There was no commitment, and there was no forgiveness; it was all selfish and, “It’s all about me.”
I’m not a Democrat, but in John F. Kennedy’s day he said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” Pretty wise statement. How about, “Ask not what your marriage and spouse can do for you, but what you can do for your spouse and your marriage” or “Ask not what your church can do for you, but what you can do for your church”? Sounds applicable to me.
Genesis 2:8 tells us that the name of their dwelling place was Eden because there was a commitment and dedication. If a relationship is going to last, number one, you have to be committed to making it last. You have to be dedicated to God and dedicated to making your marriage what it is supposed to be. You need to have lots of forgiveness.
Someone said, “Well, this is not the first time he’s been inconsiderate.” I hate to tell you this, but forgiveness is not just for first time offenders. Aren’t you thankful? If a person has a weak area, when they fail again, where do you think they are most likely to fail? The same weak area. That doesn’t mean they didn’t mean it when they asked for forgiveness. There are people that are abusive, and I’m not excusing people that abuse the whole idea of forgiveness. I am talking about the fact that sometimes we just don’t want to forgive somebody who truly repents and asks to be forgiven. We are all sinners. If you can’t forgive, you can’t have a relationship. You can’t have a friendship. You can’t have a marriage. You can’t stay in a church. It can’t be done.
According to verse 25, there was transparency without shame. The Bible says they were naked and not ashamed. Believe anything you like, but I believe they were clothed in the glory of God until they sinned. They lost that when they sinned, and all of a sudden they knew that they were naked, and God said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree?” It says they were naked and not ashamed.
For something to be naked means it’s laid bare, no covering. It’s talking about them physically being naked here. But I believe there is a principle here that in the marriage relationship everything ought to be able to be laid bare. Everything ought to be able to put on the table without shame. No secrets, no fantasies, no secret relationships or attractions, no secret things you are doing or places you are going. No secrets or cover-ups. Everything is honest and open. Everything ought to be able to be naked, laid bare, put on the table. Between these two people, they ought to be able to lay everything on the table, remove all covering, and not have to be ashamed. If that’s not the case, your relationship is in trouble right now whether you know it or not. No secrets, none of that stuff people hide.
This Garden of Eden marriage was so wonderful, number one, because it was instigated by God. If yours wasn’t, then you need to get saved. If you are already saved, the pair of you need to get to know God and build your relationship around Him. Though you may not have started the way it was intended, neither did Abraham and Sarah, but theirs turned out the way it was supposed to be. It was instigated by God. Young people, don’t get in a big rush. Make sure you’ve got the will of God. When all doubt is removed, and if it is the right one, there isn’t anything more wonderful. If it’s the wrong one, there isn’t anything more miserable.
This marriage was instigated by God. God was the centerpiece of this relationship. It was void of the influence of sin. He gave them work to do and they were drawn together by a common work, a labor together. They had a common walk with God and they prayed and worshipped God together. They enjoyed liberty within bounds. They had the protection of certain boundaries and when they broke through that hedge of protection, the serpent bit them. “He that breaketh a hedge, a serpent shall bite him.” They had a unity based on commitment, not on compatibility. They had a transparency and honesty without shame.
There are a lot of folks whose marriage is on the rocks and they have no idea what to do about it. I’m going to tell you, first, if you are not saved, you’d better get saved. If you are born again people, you’d better build your relationship around God and apply Bible principles. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His plan is the same today for two married people as it was then. It will still work today like it worked then, but the problem is we’ve gotten away from the Biblical model. God is the One that originated it. Without Him, it’s not going to work. Unless you build it the way He designed, it’s not going to turn out right.
May God help us to decide to take some Biblical steps in the right direction so that we can have something wonderful in our marriage, because that’s what God intended. You are not supposed to have to endure to the bitter end being married; you are supposed to enjoy it. It’s supposed to be wonderful. It can be and it should be, but it’s never accidental. A wonderful marriage, the way God intended, is the result of you making some very good Biblical choices.
